Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
