the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
