I wanna bring you to show and tell
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
