saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
