sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
