come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
