just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
