she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
