i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
