i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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