I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
