bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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