yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
