please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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