So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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