well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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