help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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