So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
