OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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