I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
