I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
