my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
