I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
how drunk are you?
Several
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
