Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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