tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Couch. On fire.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
