Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
