thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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