Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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