I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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