He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
