you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
