Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
