That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Text me some of your sweat
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
