I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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