Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
