So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
