I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
