dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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