my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
