Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
