you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
