I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
