whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
