Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
