dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
