You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
