Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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