Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
