I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
