haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
