i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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