And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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