he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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