yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
